just another saturday night

I'll warn you now:  photo overload.  I think I'm making up for lost time.  This is my first blog post of 2012 and it's nearly May.  Have you missed me?  The truth is, I haven't been much into blogging lately.  Shocking, I know.  I do have photos to share. That isn't the problem.  It's more of a fundamental question:  what is the point of me blogging anyway?  It's a question that has gone much deeper than this blog.  It's more of a "Who am I?" question.  I used to know what I liked and what I didn't like, but so much has been shifting inside of me, that I'm not sure anymore.  I guess I'm trying to figure out who I am.  It's like my butterfly story from last summer:  the shedding of layers of who I am not in order to become who I truly am.  I'm somewhere in the shedding process, I think.  It's messy, very messy, and not very pretty sometimes, and leaves me with more questions than answers...

But, back to the point of this post.  Last night Miss A wanted to get a blanket and put it in our front yard to lie down and look up at the sky.  I told her I'd join her.  Pretty soon, the whole family was squeezing onto the blanket.  I wish I had audio to go along with the photos.  You'd hear a lot of "Hey, stop touching me.  You're in MY spot. ZZZZ!!! Move over.  Stop squishing MEE!! MMM!!!  Get out of my way."  It was a lovely moment of chaos.

 So lovely, that I could not resist documenting it.  As soon as I brought out my camera, everyone groaned.  "Not a moments peace," they said.  Someday, they will thank me.

The girls and I have taken a recent interest in watching the skies...for birds.  It's been so fascinating to learn about all the birds around our place.  I have never in my life been interested in birds, but there are so many around here, and it's been fun to watch the skies and lakes to see who is up there.

 Little Z is actually the only one who was happy to pose for me.  "Cheese" he says, and does his funny head tilt and cheesey grin.  He moved closer to my camera for the middle shot, moving out of focus, but I love that expression, so it's a keeper. 

 "Stop taking photos!!"

 M's scrunched up face.  Love that face.

 The photo on the left made me laugh so hard, I had to put my camera down for a few minutes.  We had the "retake" on the right, but I think I like the one on the left better.  He loves me taking photos.

 Hope I made you smile.  :)

last Christmas randomness

I found some random and favorite photos from last Christmas today.  I can't believe how little Z was!  A little baldy.  And, look at all those school projects my girls did that are pasted to the back of our front door.  Classy, I know.

I can barely remember last Christmas.  It's a big blur.  It might have something to do with the fact that I hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in 7 months at that point.  

David and I took a stay-cation while my parents kept the girls.  We took Z and just slept and ate and watched Harry Potter and slept some more.  It was fabulous.

This one was taken on Christmas morning.  I think Z has a crazy gleam in his eye because he wants to grab my camera lens.  I love this photo and his pajamas (both are keepers!)

How different our lives would be without little Z.  I just can not imagine it!  

On a more serious and deeper note, this is the week that little baby O. would have been due, had he been carried to full term.  It would be so bizarre to have another little baby at this point in my life--so bizarre I can not imagine it!  But, there is still sadness at not having met him and not having him here with us.  The sadness does not come very often anymore, though there are still occasional tears, but not as many.  I do look forward to meeting him one day.  I wonder what he looks like?!  It's incomprehensible to think of already having a little person waiting for us in heaven.  Sigh!

I'll leave you with this one of Z and his drooley face.