around the house

Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving!

Are you a Black Friday shopper or avoider?  I typically try to avoid it, but sometimes a great deal will persuade me to venture out into the crowds.  It has to be a really, really good deal, though.  Typically, we put up the Christmas tree and decorate.  I love to get in a workout too. Feels so good to move after a day of eating and being lazy.

Today, I thought I'd collect some photos to give you a glimpse of the house.  It's slowly starting to feel like home.  Space by space, room by room.  Turning a house into a home  takes a long time.  I still don't have any curtains hung.  All of my walls are still white like they were when we moved in.  (Except the kitchen which was lemon yellow and is now painted grey.)

I am sort of enjoying the process this time around.  I'm always moving things around and changing up things, so it's an ever-evolving art for me.  Here's a few snapshots of what some of the house looked like this fall.

This little space is in the entryway.  I fond the orange mirror in the Target clearance section, and the "Welcome" sign at yard sale. :)  Those square photos are Instagram prints that I stuck on with masking tape to make changing them up quick and easy.

This was a table centerpiece for awhile until I got tired of  the obstructed view across the table.  I eventually moved the vases to a shelf in the living room.

Z and I making dinner.  Notice the lovely lemon yellow?  My favorite! (sarcasm implied.)

The living room.

Master bedroom.

Repainted kitchen!  Yay for grey!

just another saturday night

I'll warn you now:  photo overload.  I think I'm making up for lost time.  This is my first blog post of 2012 and it's nearly May.  Have you missed me?  The truth is, I haven't been much into blogging lately.  Shocking, I know.  I do have photos to share. That isn't the problem.  It's more of a fundamental question:  what is the point of me blogging anyway?  It's a question that has gone much deeper than this blog.  It's more of a "Who am I?" question.  I used to know what I liked and what I didn't like, but so much has been shifting inside of me, that I'm not sure anymore.  I guess I'm trying to figure out who I am.  It's like my butterfly story from last summer:  the shedding of layers of who I am not in order to become who I truly am.  I'm somewhere in the shedding process, I think.  It's messy, very messy, and not very pretty sometimes, and leaves me with more questions than answers...

But, back to the point of this post.  Last night Miss A wanted to get a blanket and put it in our front yard to lie down and look up at the sky.  I told her I'd join her.  Pretty soon, the whole family was squeezing onto the blanket.  I wish I had audio to go along with the photos.  You'd hear a lot of "Hey, stop touching me.  You're in MY spot. ZZZZ!!! Move over.  Stop squishing MEE!! MMM!!!  Get out of my way."  It was a lovely moment of chaos.

 So lovely, that I could not resist documenting it.  As soon as I brought out my camera, everyone groaned.  "Not a moments peace," they said.  Someday, they will thank me.

The girls and I have taken a recent interest in watching the skies...for birds.  It's been so fascinating to learn about all the birds around our place.  I have never in my life been interested in birds, but there are so many around here, and it's been fun to watch the skies and lakes to see who is up there.

 Little Z is actually the only one who was happy to pose for me.  "Cheese" he says, and does his funny head tilt and cheesey grin.  He moved closer to my camera for the middle shot, moving out of focus, but I love that expression, so it's a keeper. 

 "Stop taking photos!!"

 M's scrunched up face.  Love that face.

 The photo on the left made me laugh so hard, I had to put my camera down for a few minutes.  We had the "retake" on the right, but I think I like the one on the left better.  He loves me taking photos.

 Hope I made you smile.  :)

a very sad story

I'm a private person, and tend not to share deeply personal things on this blog.  But, this time, it seems appropriate for a few reasons.  Maybe someone else will be able to relate to my experience.  And, it's just therapeutic for me to write right now.

I'll just start at the beginning.

About three weeks ago, I found out some very shocking news.  

I was pregnant.  Unexpectedly.  I had given away all of my maternity clothes and all of my baby clothes.  I was very much done. Done. Done. Done.

And, so to find out I was pregnant was a huge surprise. 

I spent the next week feeling completely panicked.  How in the world was I going to take care of another baby?  I already had a baby!  And, how in the world was I going to take care of 4 kids?!  Three kids, I have learned to handle, but 4 seemed to stretch me beyond my human limits.

A few weeks passed, though, and I was making space for the baby.  I made space in my heart, and in our family.  Little Z was going to be a big brother.  He was supposed to just be a little brother, but now he was going to be a big brother!  Wow, a big brother.  I was excited for him to have a little buddy--someone on his level that he could go through life with--a friend.  I was making plans for how we were going to fit another little person into our home.  I bought a few maternity clothes, and was making plans for things we would need to acquire--like another double stroller since ours was long, long gone.

And, I was excited about the little life growing inside of me.  I was looking forward to meeting him, and taking photos  of him (of course!), and getting to know him.  I was beginning to embrace my reality.

And, then, something very sad happened.  We lost the baby.  Last week at 9 weeks and 3 days old (in the womb), our little baby died.  I have never lost a baby before.  And this loss is rather intangible.  Because, it feels like losing something you never exactly had.  I'm not sure what you believe about the soul, but I believe that this little baby had a soul, and that the little soul is now in heaven.  

To me, the loss feels very deep and very sad.  I won't get to touch those little fingers and toes.  I won't get to see his little face or get to know his little personality.  I know I am very blessed to have three beautiful children, but this loss is about this baby.  I'm learning I can be grateful and sad all at the same time.

My doctor gave us some great advice.  He encouraged us to do something as a family to commemorate the baby.  We gave him a name.  Since I don't really share out kids' names on this blog, I just tell you his name is baby O.  I found a little wooden cross that we could remember him by.  On Sunday morning, we had a little ceremony where we each said a few words, and placed the cross in our backyard.

I've taken the week "off."  I've got a great group of friends here who are taking good 

care of me bringing our family meals each night so that I don't have to cook.  Other instructors are teaching my Jazzercise classes for me.  It's giving me space.  The space I need to just be.  To have time to grieve.  And time to just sit.  

I'm sure the sadness will eventually lessen, and I'll eventually find my new normal--whatever that may be.  But, for now, I'm sitting down, and just letting my heart wait.

 Z enjoyed playing while we had our little ceremony.  Look at that hair sticking straight up!

He loves that little yellow shovel!

For little O.  We love you, even though we never knew you!

all I wanted for mother's day...

...was a nice photo of the kids and I.  So, I innocently handed the camera to David and asked him to snap away.  I guess I should have hired a professional.  We laughed and laughed as we looked through these.  To his credit, David did get me a beautiful necklace and earrings to match.  I love them!

Hope these give you a good laugh too.

 What is little Z looking at??

 Now, we've got Z, but where did Miss M go?!

 Miss M is officially hiding. Niiiice.

 This is the best one of the lot, and the kids' expressions are anything but natural and happy.  Forced smiles, shall we say?  And utter dilusionment from Z.

 Umm, I think we're done here.

The girls stomped off in disguest, "Daddy, why are you taking so LONG?!"  So, it was just Z and I.  This one's a keeper.  Maybe that should have been my strategy.  One photo with each kid.  Oh well, there's always next year.

hangin' out on Friday night

I love the light in Florida, especially the deliciously beautiful evening light.  Here's our little family just hanging out on a random Friday night.  It's sort of typical.  You see David?  He's on his phone.  Mr. Z is pushing his walker looking rather spacey.  I wonder where he gets that from?  It's certainly not me.

Let's zoom in a bit. What a serious face. He must be tired.

There he goes!

And, here comes Miss A zooming by on her scooter. Typical.

There's Miss M. She's playing Angry Birds on my phone. My girls love Angry Birds! I might too, but maybe I don't want to admit it.

She's doing good!

And, now, everyone has gotten tired of being outside except for Miss A and I.

She's been into drawing money on our sidewalk lately.  I guess this one has a heart on it.  Cute.

Fun times.  I like my little family!

the effects of the mamma-razzi

It's so nice when the girls play together in their room.  They just don't have enough time to enjoy each other anymore now that they're in school all day!  They were excited for some down time alone when little Z and I thought we should go take a lookey-lookey and find out what was so fun.



Upon knocking and entering, we were not greeted so warmly.  I think we were crashing their party.


It must be hard living with the mamma-razzi.  I mean, who wants each and every moment of their life documented? Miss M didn't mind letting me know how she felt about me snapping away.


"Leave us alone!  We want to play with our ponies in peace!!"


Little Z was of course, fascinated by all the new toys.  Miss A was mildly annoyed, but Miss M immediately scrambled up for a piece of paper and began furiously writing something down.


After a few minutes, we were ousted out of the girls' room.  Well, technically I was the only one being ousted out, but where I go, little Z follows.


This sign was promptly posted on the door as it was firmly shut behind us.


Hmm...I think they want a break from me and my camera.  Or maybe they just miss each other and don't want me crashing their party to take photos of them.  Poor girls.  They'll have a well documented life to thank me for one day.
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On a side note, thanks for all of your nice FB comments yesterday telling me that you enjoy this blog!  They really do make my day.  It is a fun way to keep in touch with friends all across the country, get to know new friends and deepen existing relationships.  So, thank you for some feedback!  It's nice to have a little encouragement every now and then :-)

family silhouette

We've been having some beau-ti-ful weather lately.  Balmy.  Lovely.  Think warm sunshine, flip-flops and open windows kind of weather.  I love it!  I know you're jealous, but I have to document these things to remind myself that living in Florida is not-so-bad.

Anyway, we took advantage of it, and went for a family walk over the weekend.  It was great.  I forget how much I love being outside.  I have become a hermit since living in Orlando simply because most of the time it's so stinkin' hot I can't stand it.   There are many more photos to share, but for now, here's my new favorite of our family:  a little silhouette action.



And, I'm just in time to play along with Emily's "Embrace the Camera" game.  Well, it's not really a game, but it's sure fun!